Post by jbearxp on Jun 30, 2014 16:17:13 GMT
Marshall began asking questions at a young age about violence and saw people show compassion under difficult circumstances. He saw that people had enjoyment in helping others. This led him to ask two questions:
- What makes people enjoy other peoples suffering, and makes them want to contribute to that suffering?
- What happens so we stay with the process of compassion and help us to contribute to others wellbeing?
This led him to ask the questions
- How are we meant to live? - So he studied religion and found they all said to live with compassion
- If we all agree we are meant to be compassionate then why aren't we?
- what skills can help us to live compassionately? = these are different from what we are taught because we are educated to fit in to this structure where the 'superior' tell us how it should be.
Marshall then developed Non Violent Communication as a way of developing skills for compassion and supporting it. NVC is described as contributing to your own and others well being compassionately. He defines compassion as doing things willingly and not from shame, guilt or punishment but rather because it is something we enjoy. He found this strategy to be more effective than his training in psychology was.
Marshall realized that by having a private psychology practice, people were diagnosing themselves as having something wrong and needing fixing. So he decided he would travel to share his process.
By using NVC he was able to transform peoples values about racism and sexism, however the ares he was visiting didn't have money to offer him so he set up a not for profit organization which enabled him to teach others so that they could pass on his work around the world and there would be rapid distribution or his system.
The process of NVC requires a language transformation. We are education to be submissive and obedient which leads us to not realize our own power. We describe people in terms of judgements that are difficult to define and will vary between people (good, bad, right, wrong) and we have this value of retributive justice meaning we think people are deserving or things (punishment or reward). Marshall wanted people to focus on whether their needs are being met and if not, question what we can do to ensure they are.
NVC focuses on
- Are my needs being met?
- feelings - which come from needs
- requests - what would we like to fulfill our needs
We aren't taught to think about what is alive in us (feelings, needs), or what would make life more wonderful (requests). Marshall wants people to be able to connect at this level and to all be able to get this information from each others so that we can get our needs fulfilled compassionately and help to fulfill other peoples needs compassionately. In order for us to do this we must avoid a language that sounds like criticism, blame or insults and also think about if a person might hear a demand rather than a request. We must learn to avoid strategies that will influence people to do what we want (e.g. guilt, shame).
We can question what we would like people to do differently and what we want their reasons to be to do this. if at any point we try to guilt or shame people into doing things for us it may affect how compassionate they want to be towards us. offering rewards is also costly because it means that person is doing it for personal gain rather than because they enjoy it.
NVC helps us to remain aware that we have a choice rather than what we - have to, should do, ought to, cant - because of authority. NVC increases awareness that we cant be made to do anything.
NVC is a natural way in which we can stay connected to life by knowing how to fulfill our needs. It allows us to be liberated from education which buries what is alive in us.